One time I met a lady who claimed that God was going to grow her tooth back, the one she'd had pulled years before, a front one. Special lady.
But I feel a little like that lately.Some of you may remember the dilemma I had with my dentist-to bring up an awkward,potentially insulting email I sent a year ago or just leave it alone?
I haven't shared what happened at that appointment, mostly because it has taken me this long to recover from the trauma.Not of our meeting, but his diagnosis.
When I walked into the office my dentist nodded at me and smiled.
We stared off for a moment.
And,just like that, we moved on.(Shout out to you, Dr.M!Thanks for reading.This is all,also, a joke-sort of)
"How did he know about your blog?"asked my friend Carli.
"He is my facebook friend. I forgot." I answered.
"You.Are.Retarded." she told me.
The trauma has resulted from what he discovered, which is that I must go back in two weeks
he will cut my gum open
and insert a metal rod up there
then sew it back.
Since the week I began Caitlyn's fundraiser I have been obsessed with thinking about how wheatgrass and other juice can cure people's terminal illnesses.
If it can cure cancer, why not depression?
One step further, can it cure my endodontic emergency?
So I bought a wheatgrass juicer off Craigslist and began juicing. Not the wheatgrass, at first, but carrot and beet and kale.
I discovered somethings. First, if you drink coffee all day and smoke, just the fresh mown lawn chlorophyll smell of kale juice will make you throw up a little in your mouth. Avoid the greens.
Second, unless you are pouring your bottles of mental-patient strength antidepressants into the juicer, pressed extract of fruit or vegetable is not a good substitute for pharmaceutical medicine.I discovered this after three days of trying to fix my "vitamin deficient depression" with juice when I began scanning the lawn for assassins and worrying about whether or not Ruby's dolls were sad.
Back on the meds.
Third, I believe that I MAY have cured my tooth problem, because it no longer hurts, and I'm going to attempt another visit to my dentist to see if X Rays can prove that I don't have to go back for the PROCEDURE. If this juicing can cure people's cancer(but not depression,folks,don't try it) surely it can cure my tooth infection,right?
So, I sent this email to them today. I'll keep you posted.
Dear Dr. M.
So,I'm just wondering if there is any way that my tooth situation might have resolved itself? Because I took the majority of those antibiotics and its been over a week since it's been hurting. I'm thinking-maybe it's all good now and I should get an X ray before this procedure to make sure there's a problem? Even though I have had it before, and I've had a tattoo and a C Section, I'm having a lot of anxiety about this Apeco-thing with the gum cutting and metal screw or whatever you do, mostly the gum-cutting part, so I'm hoping that maybe it was a mistake and possibly the antibiotics have fixed the problem? Is that at all possible? Not likely, but possible? I just have to check, because I can come in for another X ray just to make sure. Seriously, I think it's fixed.
Hey losers,switch over to "following" my new blog so I can be famous one day and send you all five dollars. It's true, I promise, that the day I go on Oprah I will send everyone who is following my new blog(beautytipsforthebereaved.blogspot.com) five dollars and some of Jeff's fingernail clippings-precious.